Our Voices and Experiences Have Value

Its convention season here in Minnesota. This means it's the time when the party units give up one of their weekend days to sit in a stuffy high school gym or auditorium to endorse candidates for elected office. In some of these races their will be two great candidates running, with really the only main difference being their gender. This is what I want to ruminate on today - when this is the case, why it is important to support the woman candidate, especially if you are a woman.

While a good number of women won their endorsements these past weekends, these were primarily in seats with no challenger. Where women had to run against men, the men won and these were in traditionally urban area, progressive seats and yet, the older, white guys won. This is not to say these men are not good, progressives who don't support women and our issues - but they aren't women and they can not bring a woman's voice and perspective to the capitol.

I heard a lot of talk about seniority (both men had been in the legislature longer) and possible leadership spots IF we win back the house and senate. I heard a lot about just voting for the best candidate and gender shouldn't matter (amazing how much more I heard this from women), and I heard a lot about how as a woman I shouldn't just vote for the woman because she is a woman (this goes back to the best candidate meme).

Well, here is my counter. First and foremost - I should support the woman first, just because she is a woman. I am horrendously underrepresented in every level of government and policy making that directly affects me, my ability to make decision for myself and my health care. Only someone who understands this experience can truly represent me and a man cannot do that - no matter how wonderful or experienced or gender friendly he is. Now, this is not to say their aren't exceptions - i.e. Michelle Bachmann - but when you have two, good progressive candidates running - as women, we should be supporting the women candidate, yes, just because she is a woman.

I, as a woman do not have equality and do not live in a society that views me as equal or gives me an equal voice and this will not change until I have equal representation. And this does not change until we, as women, stop acquiescing when it comes to who we let represent us. Its not good enough anymore to support the man over the woman, just because we have known them longer or they are our friends or we've worked with them in the past. Its no longer ok to pick the guy over the gal because we want to ignore gender and just pick the "best' or 'most qualified' candidate. This is what is holding us back. We are not equal and this only keeps the playing field unequal. When we have equality, then you can use this argument. Until then, gender matters - a lot!

Lastly, I want to talk about this seniority/leadership issue. I get this is important over at the legislature - but if we keep using this argument, again, we will always be in the minority. As was clear by these races, they aren't just going to be nice and hand it over. We can't just keeping waiting and hoping that if we put in our time and work hard, that we will get there. NOT. GOING. TO. HAPPEN.

I put this out there for all of us to think about, especially the ladies. This is not to say, in any way, that the men who got endorsed are bad. In fact they are great progressive gentlemen and wonderful allies for women - but, at the end of the day, they cannot bring a woman's experience, voice and perspective to the capitol and that is where, we as women lose out. I have had enough I am tired of waiting and I want equality and this will never happen if we, ladies, keep choosing to support the male candidates over the female candidates.

It's a Mad, Mad, Crazy World

The last couple of weeks have been ca-ra-zy! Especially if you are a woman and/or you care about women's health, reproductive rights and women as intelligent human beings that can make their own decisions. I care a lot - so these last weeks have just been insane.

It started with Susan G. Komen insanity. Then there was the debate on whether Pres. Obama would stick with his promise to cover birth control in his healthcare plan. He did come through on that pledge, only to be pressured by Catholics bishops and priests who said there should be an exception for religious institutions - for those who don't believe in contraception for women because of their faith -  they should not be forced to provide it for their employees.

The President found a way for women who still wanted and needed access to Birth Control to get it while placating the bishops and priests - the insurance companies would cover it - not the religious institutions. Well, this wasn't good enough. They just don't women to have access to birth control.

They were so unhappy with Obama's decision that they got Rep. Issa from CA to hold a hearing in Congress to talk about contraception and the healthcare bill - here is who came to testify on women's contraception:

What is wrong with that! Not a single woman to come and talk about it and the one women who did want to testify was denied because she was not considered "appropriate" to testify on the issue.

If that were not crazy enough - in the Commonwealth of Virginia, they introduced a bill that would require  woman to get a vaginal ultrasound before she could get an abortion. I am not sure how familiar you are with what this procedure is - so here is a picture:

Sorry to be so graphic - but this is what they want to do. The party that is about keeping government out of our lives, is against mandates, especially healthcare - is now forcing women to have a horrendously intrusive, non-medically necessary procedure just to scare women from even thinking about getting an abortion. I would like to point out, again, that it is a man introducing this legislation.

Soooo - in the last coupe of weeks we saw an effort by conservatives to cut funding for Breast Cancer Screenings just because the place that does the screenings also provides abortions for women, an effort to remove access to birth control for women because male bishops and priests think women shouldn't use birth control and finally, using sexually intrusive medical procedures to prevent women from using a legal, medical procedure to control their own lives.

I am constantly amazed at the lengths which conservatives and generally conservative men, will go to keep women from having control over their own bodies, their own reproductive abilities and even their own healthcare.

I get why men do this - its all fear based. Fear of losing power. Fear of not being in control any more. There are more women out there then men. I get it. But this has just gotten crazy. What is even more cray is where are the women? Where are they as a collective voice, screaming bloody murder, challenging these men, saying NO MORE!!!

Besides the noise made over the Susan G. Komen incident and we did see a few of Congresswomen walk out of the hearings - the noise about all of this has been pretty quiet. I just don't get it. Ladies - are you not angry? are you not outraged? What else do you need to happen before you stand up and say enough! It is time to fight, to say no more and to start working together.

Its time we took back our lives, took back our uteruses and took back our ability to make our own medical decision. Its time we tell men, we may love you and you may love us, but you don't get to make these decisions for us. You don't get to decide when and how or if I am going to have children. You don't get decide where I get my medical care and you certainly don't get to use intrusive procedures to scare me.

Let's stop this craziness - you with me?

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Update:
A Catholic University now wants to sue the government before letting women have access to birth control.

Presidential candidate and former Senator Rick Santorum now thinks prenatal care should not be funded

And, because humor is always a good thing - here is Amy and Seth

Love vs. Hate

We live in a world today where it has gotten way to easy for hate and fear to win out.  It warmed my heart today to see love and acceptance win the day.

It all started yesterday when The Susan B. Komen Foundation announced that it would no longer be providing funds to Planned Parenthod - they made this announcement under the guise of a new internal guideline to not allow organizations that are under investigation by any government agency to be able to apply for funds from them. What does this mean? PP applies and receives from SBK $700,000 annually for breast cancer screenings for women - so, it means the loss of money for these services which primarily affects low-income women and in places where this is the ONLY place to go for this service.

The backlash and outrage over this decision was swift and immediate.

There were many reasons for the outrage. One being that SBK is still giving funds to Penn State which is under investigation for child molestation charges, that the current VP, Karen Handel was a former Republican candidate for Governor in GA who ran on defunding Planned Parenthood, the "investigation" that is the reason for the defunding is a call by a singular Republican Congressman who has a long-standing dislike of Planned Parenthood, and ultimately, the decision hurt the very women and cause for which they say they are fighting for. There are also many other concerns being raised and AlterNet has a great article going through some of this.

All of this together just didn't add up and women and our allies stood up and said 'enough!' The result was -  in just 24 hours - not only did Planned Parenthood raise over $650,000 in a single day, SBK announced today that they would reverse their decision. Now, all this really means is that PP will be allowed to apply for the funds again - it does not guarantee they will get them - only time will tell on that front. This has been a PR disaster for SGK, but in the end, I think better for women. We showed what happened when we come together and make our voices heard (now if we could just do this around more things, we could really make some changes around here!)

On the other side of the spectrum, JC Penny's showed how you do it right - after getting pressure from discriminating, conservatives groups to remove Ellen DeGeneris as their new spokesperson because she is gay. They announced today that they would not yield to hate and discrimination and keep Ellen as their new spokesperson.  I am so happy to see a corporation understand that more people are accepting of others than they are of hating them.

Oh, the shame of it all

I was reading one of more favorite blogs the other day - I like this blog because I know the author, she addresses feminist issues from such a great perspective and she is right here in MN. She recently wrote a piece that hit home, a little harder than normal - but this is good. Its good when we are held accountable for bad actions - when we are challenged. We all make mistakes and it's what we choose to do with those mistakes that makes the difference and makes us better people and friends.

I read her piece and realized, shamefully, I had done this very thing recently - kind of - I had a conversation with a couple of women friends about a mutual woman we knew who was staying in a violent situation - now, I didn't have this conversation in public, we were in a very private setting and I did start the conversation stating that I struggled with how to deal with it - I want to support and help her, but still can't understand the staying. The point was made that this was exactly the strange/strong dynamic that is domestic violence - so true - and I know this - I grew up in an abusive household with a mother who convinced me as a teenager that she would die if I left - and it finally took my oldest sister dragging me out of the house before I would leave - so I get it. Or, I thought I did.

After making this realization - I felt awful and wanted to talk to her about it.  Sadly, one of the other women in the conversation decided to share the conversation we had with her and she in turn has decided not to talk to me - absolutely her right - just a little disappointing since I thought we were all friends. While I will miss her friendship and kick myself for doing such a thing - I understand her anger and disappointment in me. However, I am not going to wallow around in it, but learn from it and be better about supporting other women.

So, for this,  I am grateful for Radical Housewife for bringing up the topic - it made me check my own behavior and try to be a better woman.

The other thing I like about this post is the opportunity to have those hard, uncomfortable conversations. We have to have them - one, so they stop being uncomfortable topics - if we don't start talking about domestic violence, stop hiding from it, stop giving it power - especially amongst our friends - it only perpetuates it. We also need to have them without shaming each other or condemning each other for having these thoughts or thinking them out loud - this just perpetuates the shame and this helps no one. This doesn't mean we shouldn't question it, hold them accountable or say something - but we need to find a way to have these conversations that moves us forward and doesn't just shift the shame.

So let's have this conversation -

I often hear two basic theories in regards to women in domestic violence situations - the first is that you just have to support them, be there for them, listen and when they are ready to go - they will go (I worked for a shelter for about a year in rural Wisconsin that followed this theory - to the point that if a woman called the hotline and was getting beaten, if she didn't specifically ask for you to call the police, you were not allowed to). Is this what we should do to support the women in our lives living in violence?

Or - do you challenge your friend or family member to make a move, to get out - do we not question why? Do we not make her question why? I know that if my sister had not come and physically gotten me out - I probably would have never left on my own. How far or hard do we push?

What is the answer? Is there a correct answer? I don't know, I am not sure there is - every woman and situation is different. But Radical Housewife is correct, that at the very least we need to listen and we have to speak out.

I will always admit my struggle with this dilemma - I am colored by my own experiences and my work in the women's community. What I do know is that we as women, have to find better ways of supporting each other, without judgement and shame - on all sides.We have to stop hiding, stop shaming, stop covering it up and be willing to have conversations - no matter how hard they are.

So, to Radical Housewife - thank you for bringing this up and starting a hard conversation. To the woman whom I hurt, I am deeply sorry and to the rest of you, thank you for listening, for continuing to fight to end violence and for letting me own my mistakes and to learn from them and not shaming me for being all too human.

Good bye Joe Paterno

I was driving home from lunch with some girlfriends today and heard on the radio that Joe Paterno's private funeral was today and the public funeral is tomorrow - this was announced on the music channel (I have XM) - not a sports channel, but the music channel, with the same kind of deference, as if he were a former president or some, such thing.

He was a frickin' college football coach, for goodness sakes! - and yes, he won a bunch of titles for the school - but at the end of the day, he was the guy who let a bunch of kids get molested because he didn't have the moral fortitude to do the right thing. Football was all he cared about and that was all that mattered. Well, this is just wrong and I will not celebrate this mans life. When, we as a society think that sports games or championships are more important than children's lives, or anyone's life for that matter, we have gotten horribley off-track.

I know, I know, I will hear a bunch of platitudes about all the games he won and what a historical figure for the school he was - blah, blah, blah, sports, sports, sports, he did his best, he passed it along -I have heard it all and it's not good enough. At the end of the day - he knew and chose not to step up - he passed the buck down the road and said very loud and clear to all those kids, that they didn't matter. That alone wipes out any and all football games he every won. It erases the right to have your life celebrated in any sort of hero fashion.

Now, don't get me wrong - his family should absolutely grieve the loss of the husband, father, grandfather, brother, uncle - etc.. , they loved him and he has died - grieve and grieve well Paterno clan.

But, his actions of silence negate all the rest. Sadly, I know that hundreds, maybe even thousands will come out tomorrow to say good-bye to Joe Paterno - in doing so, you are saying that you think his actions were ok - that football matters more than those children lives. To me, this response to Joe Paterno's life is just a sad, sad commentary on our society as a whole - his actions, or rather inaction's and what happened are all too common and we are asked to overlook his inaction's because of all the great things he did for college football.  I say NO. It is up to the rest of us to make it loud and clear that what happened was not, is not and never will be ok and you don't get a pass because you won a bunch of championships for your college.

Non-Cooperation

I am taking a class this semester called Social Movement, Global Perspective and I am already so inspired.

If you have not read The Essential Gandhi or, really, anything about Gandhi - you should. Especially if you are interested in making the world a better place. Now, let me be clear, I am not recommending this because its some great piece of literary work - in fact, I don't find it very easy to read, it is a bit dry and a bit disjointed -  but, it is taken from his own writings, so you get a very good sense of his thought process and how he came to make decisions - this part I like very much. And this is what we need to learn from.

I have been particularly struck by this idea of non-cooperation. Basically, if you follow the rules that you don't like, just because those are the rule - you are cooperating. For example, in South Africa, at the turn fo the century, Indians were required to get identification papers - it was the law. So, many Indians, even though they disagreed with it, went and got their papers. This was cooperation with the bad law. To Gandhi - cooperating meant agreeing - the only way to say no, was to not-cooperate.  (OK, I am so oversimplifying that - but you get the point)

This has all gotten me thinking about how to connect this to helping women claim power and be equal citizens in this society. Just as the Indians were fighting for equality, so are Women. So, how do we get enough collective movement in a singular direction  and what can we non-cooperate around?


I can think of a few things that I singularly non-cooperate with - like not buying 'beauty' magazines, I never bought my nieces Barbie or Disney items and I regularly boycott tv shows that are anti-woman - to name a few. But, this is just me and i know that there is not enough women saying no and not cooperating to make the changes necessary.

I think what I am learning from this book and where the Women's movement is falling down is that there is no single vision, nothing to bind us together - for Gandhi, it was the spinning wheel and the Indian identity - we don't have this as Women. There has to be something bigger, more unifying to get us all moving in the same direction.

We also don't have anyone leading the charge. Indians had Gandhi - who is out there today for Women? I can't think of anyone? I can think of many different organizations that are doing lots of different work - but it almost feels like I am being pulled in 10 different directions and much of it feels a bit repetitive. Lots of overlapping work and not a lot of coordinating and working together. On our current path, we will never get where we need to go.

I want to change that.

In order to do that we have to start connecting with each other, talking to each other, supporting each other and sharing information. We must find those places where we can work together and be stronger and louder - together. Women are amazing - we plan and organize and bring things to life - let's celebrate that, come together and get to work - no one is going to do it for us, so its time we joined together, do it ourselves and stop cooperating with a system that devalues us!

Roe v. Wade Day

In recognition of the anniversary of Roe v. Wade today - let's talk about abortion, women's equality and choice.

Whether you believe that life begins at conception or not (and I don't), my advocating for safe abortions has more do with women's equality and my right to make my own choices - not the government and not based on someone else's religious beliefs, than it does with actual abortion procedure itself.

I completely understand and even respect that many, many people believe in life at conception and therefore see abortion as taking a life. And that is ok - we can just agree to disagree on when 'life' begins. I would ask, in return, that you respect that others, many others, do not hold that same belief.  There are those who believe that a fetus is just that - a fetus and until it comes out of the womb or can survive on its own out of the womb, that it is not more important than the woman's life and doesn't even have the same rights until its out of the womb. Again, agree to disagree on when life begins, but respect a different belief.

However, I think we can agree about choice - making your own, being free to make your own. I think most religious scriptures call this "free will". Everyone is endowed with it. And it is not for us to judge - correct?

I also need you to understand that as a women who advocates for abortion rights this does not mean I think abortions are great and that everyone should have one. Quite frankly, it is quite the opposite. All I ask is that we leave that decision up to the the woman who has to make it and whomever else she chooses to include in that decision making process. Who should NOT be involved in this decision - you, me or the government.

I also want to ask that we stop trivializing this decision and the women who have to make them by buying into the idea that this is in any way an easy thing to do. Or that women are using it as birth control or that all abortions are late-term(in fact this is the least used form and only in emergencies or risk to the life of the mother) It is NEVER an easy decision to end a pregnancy. Until you can unequivocally stand in that woman's shoes, lest not ye judge.

Of course! I would like to see less unwanted or unplanned pregnancies - but the reality is this will always be around. We live in a society where sex education is vilified and even denied, where poverty is ignored, where we are baby obsessed(not child obsessed but baby obsessed) and where we give lip service to the children in our society (i.e. poor educational system, poor day care system, etc..). When these factors are in place, there will always be unwanted and unplanned pregnancies. Therefore, I don't see how we can't make sure they are safe and legal.

So, I celebrate the decision made in Roe v. Wade. It is vital to women and our equality. I would also remind everyone that this decision was about our right to privacy and abortion was just the subject of that privacy. This is a private decision and it should be left that way.